2017:002 The Shortcomings of Siri


Sure, automated homes are the way of the future, but what system are you going to choose for your family? You could get the Amazon Elko or the Google Wholmes. You could even stare at the wall and yell at your Nest Thermalstat. Or you could just use that sweet, sweet lady voice on your phone. Whatever home automator you choose, you’re sure to be happier with a modern, automated home. But beware, technology is still working out some of the kinks. Here is a list of commands Siri does not respond to, or suggests she cannot provide an answer for:

  1. Siri, what’s considered “too good” of a price on a used helichopter?
  2. Siri, give me a vegan brisket recipe.
  3. Siri, is this science?
  4. Siri, what couch did Kanye eventually decide on?
  5. Siri, is this infected?
  6. Siri, who is the next Steven Steagal?
  7. Siri, where is the nearest place to see quicksand?
  8. Siri, what were there before cows?
  9. Siri, what’s the over under on times I’m going to ride a snowboard this year
  10. Siri, make it klang.
  11. Siri, call my dogs.
  12. Siri, is the domain PonderosaSizzler.com available?
  13. Siri, a reboot of The Munsters, but with christians.
  14. Siri, a revival of Jesus Christ Superstar, but with the dogs playing poker,
  15. Siri, a painting mashup of Jesus on the cross, but when you look at the bigger picture the crucifixion scene is really just the Jesus piece dangling from the neck of one of the dogs playing poker. It’s hanging above my grandma’s dining table. Now that’s a fucking sitcom.
  16. Siri, how does science work?
  17. Siri, would you still work in an anechoic chamber?
  18. Siri, honest opinion, is the Apple Watch just garbage?
  19. Siri, What is Barack Obama’s net worth?
  20. Siri, Barack Obama feet.
  21. Siri, how to write screenplay?
  22. Siri, how did these muthafuckers end up owning hoodrich.com?
  23. Siri, text contact: Drugs Paul. Message: LSD question mark.


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