2016:040 Holiday Gift Idea #3

dave pizza

It seems some of you, and by that I mean The Meat Man himself, are not thrilled with the idea of a grey hat. Apparently, you’re looking for something a personalized, maybe a holiday gift with an edge. And if that’s what you’re looking for, look no further than your local tatoueur.

Now, you might be saying, “But Greggers, I don’t know what to get.” And that’s cool. That’s what I’m here for. Trust me on this. A couple months ago, I got a 2am text from Canada Bro that  read “BTW, you’re my emergency contact, I’m at the tatoueur.” An hour later the dude has a tattoo of a slice of pizza on his leg. So these kind of killer ideas run in the family.

That said here are 25 great tattoos you could get put on your body this holiday season, or any time:

  1. Kevin James eating a McRib.
  2. If you’ve lost any fingers to fireworks, I think you’re legally bound to get “KID ROCK” across your knuckles.
  3. A little Ashima Shiraishi, just behind your ear.
  4. Santa in his sleigh, but instead of reindeer it’s being pulled by eight Britney Spearses in her shaved head phase.
  5. The members of Gwar, in full costume, marching from your butthole.
  6. “Several Regrets” across your collarbone, in Papyrus.
  7. A picture of my dogs.
  8. Full back piece of a race horse’s head in a pool of blood, so it’s just like The Godfather every time you take your shirt off.
  9. Wait, wait, wait. The members of Gwar out of costume marching across one butt cheek  toward your anus, then in full costume walking away, across the the other cheek. It’s about transformation, mom.
  10. The four horsemen of the apocalypse taking a cigarette break.
  11. A full chest peice of a Tuxedo shirt.
  12. The scene of Jay Gatsby’s body, dead and floating in his pool on your lower back.
  13. “POLYDACTYL” across your knuckles.
  14. A heart with a banner wrapped around it. The banner reads “Chumbawamba Tubthumping”.
  15. Cattle.
  16.  A Haworth Projection over the scar at the end of your diabetic leg stump.
  17. A plate of Moons Over My Hammy, with a glowing Denny’s sign behind it. And below it, two strangers just fucking, by a dumpster.
  18. A “coexist” bumper sticker.
  19. An unfinished cross, like you were 2/3 through the session then said, “Hold up tatoueur, I’ve got a few more things to do, which your christian god is not going to approve of”.
  20. A still from the Iron Giant preferable the scene where he’s telling Hogarth about the he spent a weekend making love with a German Panzer IV tank. The specific on this one are important, because the Panzer IV has a shorter, fatter barrel and some people are in more into that.
  21. A hot tub with Alex Pardee’s zombie Steve Urkel soaking in it, fully dressed. The banner over the top reads “Home Sweet Home”.
  22. A box of Cap’ Crunch’s Oops! All Berries on your inner thigh, next to your vagina.
  23. An Amelie tattoo starring Audrey Tatou.
  24. A cocoon. And emerging from it is a DVD of the 1985, Ron Howard film,  Cocoon. This one is about transformation too, mom.
  25. Spiderwebs across your stomach, and written in the webbing are the words, “Some Dick”.

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