2016:007 Watching January Slip Away

God dammit, I was supposed to have 2 new websites up by the beginning of the year, and here I am watching January slip slide away.

Needless to say I have some things to handle before I blast off to Lake Tahoe to attend some kid’s first communion party.

1nd: Start at the Top

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Check out my rims hat yo, I’m iced out crazy son, yo check it out yo.

Fresh from Jesse Thorp and the dudes at Put This On I’m now running this fine-ass, made in the USA! USA! USA!, and simple enough to always be cool cap. I trust you thinks it’s fresh, unless you’re still on some west-coast east-coast beef tips.

I think my next purchase needs to be a wool brush. Or an eyebrow threading. I feel like fucking Charli Howard. And I too could drop a few kgs and be better for it.

And, no I will not be wearing this hat on my visit to California. You really think I’m the kind of asshole who wears a Belle and Sebastian tee-shirt at a Belle and Sebastian concert?

Man, when was the last time I owned a music tee? Cannibal Ox, maybe?

2th: Keeping on that California Tip

You wanna know the shittiest place in California? You’re probably thinking Richmond, maybe Vallejo?

WRONG. The worst place is any place playing Hotel California. Sure, 10-year-old SlashGreggers was down with that jam. But by 11, I knew that was a really shitty song. In fact, it’s so shitty the best version of it might be a cover, in a foreign language by a band with a racist name.

Granted, day to day, I live in a world where I only see the good parts of cocaine use, but The Eagles are pretty much all of the bad aspects of cocaine. Just think of your pops, 40 years ago in a dimly lit, crap bar. He’s a little sweaty from squeezing rumps and nosing bumps in a filthy bathroom. There’s an old jukebox in the corner, under the Camel Cigarettes neon, with “Such a lovely place, such a homely face” scratching out from speakers and clawing its way though the bar like it’s on some sonic mission from Pablo Escobar himself.

This mental image has been made possible by The Eagles.

Not surprising, some of the norms I know, who were so shook when David Bowie passed, were equally touched by Glenn Frey’s death. Listen, you chumpchangers, if someone asks you to list ten people from pop culture who changed your life and you put Bowie anywhere on that list, I’m going to look at you, nod and say, “Right. Right.”

Then, I’m going to ask you to list 500 more people from pop culture who influenced you, and if Glen Frey appears anywhere on that list, I will yell kali-mah! and finish you. RIGHT THERE.

Other people you can put on the kali-mah! list:

  1. Dustin Hoffman’s character Hook, in the movie Hook 
  2. Dr. Phil Oz
  3. Any member of Sublime, including that dog.
  4. Nannerpuss
  5. That talking Paul Bunyan in Brainerd, Minnesota  Bill Cosby
  6. Lena Dunham
  7. Rupert Murdoch
  8. Drake
  9. Jonah Lehrer

Seriously, just because they sold a lot of albums doesn’t mean The Eagles are were culturally relevant.

3st Let’s check in on the Snowboard Industry North of The Border

You wanna know what was the best part of Stepchild Snowboards?

Was it the annual speculation of the brand not surviving another season, and then the bewilderment when they showed up again the following year? NO.

Was is that they kept JP Walker’s career artificially afloat like Chinese currency? Nope!

It was Joe Sexton. But now he’s on Public (which is really just a sub-brand of Stepchild), so now we get to joak full force about Stepchild.

Stepchild the brand that is bringing you the “Local’s Only”. The board that is guaranteed to be tired as soon as you complete the purchase.

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Honestly, Stepchild, can we please try a little bit?

I might devote an entire week of weblogs just blasting on this brand’s decks.

Horrible.

4rd Toyota Knows 

Capturing that post-climate change extreme sports market early.

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on “2016:007 Watching January Slip Away
3 Comments on “2016:007 Watching January Slip Away

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